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Monday, February 28, 2005

{right, what she said.}

Dorothy Barresi:

Robert Frost once wrote that poetry "is an extravagance about grief," and I like to think of my own poetry as a small but energetic entry in the world’s great book of grief. Not because I am morbid or excessively depressed, but because all poetry in a sense is an argument with God, a human complaint about the human condition, even when it praises. Ecstatic poetry—I’m thinking now of the devotional love poetry of Herbert or Rumi or Hopkins, or even the early poetry of the contemporary pastoral poet Mary Oliver—is rare, and depends on the darker realities of human experience to pack its punch: life is brutish and short, but let us find joy and relief (rebirth) in God’s salvation or nature’s ceaseless cycles. Walt Whitman was certainly America’s truest ecstatic poet. He reveled in the body of man and in America’s body, which he saw as a unifying, democratizing wonder even in the midst of the Civil War’s bloody schism. Whitman didn’t need the promise of resurrection to find glory everywhere he looked. The world hummed with holy presence for him. It filled him up with a grand immediacy and a grander purpose—to catalogue and keep witness to the endless ways in which life delighted him. But most poetry written today is not ecstatic, and is it any wonder? Although we are no longer writing literally in the fin de siècle, much of twenty-first century poetry, new-born, already casts an ironic gaze over a terribly violent landscape, and exhales a seen-it-all sigh, or a shudder, or a well-placed kick. Indeed, the world as I write this is a frightening place—as frightening now as it certainly was in 1914 or 1939--but my job as a poet is to meet the world with words, and reinvigorate a vision of life in calamitous times. And so I am interested in reading and writing poetry that finds its vigor in uncertainty, and that still strives, through its grieving, to delight its reader with language. That, to me, is one of the greatest things about poetry: it is a sensual and cerebral pleasure to read, even as it reminds us that everything and everybody we love shall pass from this earth. What poetry am I not interested in writing? I am not interested in writing poetry that takes my emotional/spiritual temperature moment by moments. There are poets who do that extraordinarily well—Louise Glück and Li-Young Lee come to mind—and I am happy to leave that business to those who possess the rhetorical subtlety needed for limning slight shifts of perception and motivation in a human psyche. Although I certainly use autobiographical elements in my poetry, I’m more fascinated with the world and its stories than with myself. Like most writers, I am a ham, but at forty-four years old, I’m bored by confessionalism’s circuitous endgame. Poetry only matters if it matters to someone else beside the writer. And I am not much interested in writing poetry that carries a banner for a certain formalism, be it the formalism of previously constructed traditions or the formalism of newer, deconstructing traditions. What I am interested in writing, however, is poetry that plays out the black comedy of our lives in language that surprises, and, ultimately, sings. I want equally to write poetry that stings, carrying a recognition and a revelation that was nowhere apparent in the poem’s first line. I want to write poetry that is death-shaded, insecure, funny, tough. Poetry that says to God, "I’m doing the best I can—what the hell more do you want from me?" Poetry that knows what it knows for only a second, and loves the brute world anyway.

Friday, February 25, 2005

{I have a headache in my right eye}

what would charisma do in the back of a pickup truck?

what a drag to be a man
in a drab man jacket, blue
black blue, tie a splash, pastel
or red / what a shame, the weatherman
’s a eunuch, cold front moving south, mouth
of rough marbles, full stop. tonight smiles
ride for miles with no shocks, the truckbed
grooves slick with sloshing something; oil, extra
rain, the teeth wriggle orgasmically, a junkie widow
in her husband’s blood, baby’s first piss, grins
sweeter than a president shot
during sweeps week, hotter
than molasses on fire.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

{resurrection: attitude & eyelids}

after performing so much last year and under such bizarre and often un-poetic circumstances, I was about ready to file myself under the page and skip performance (almost) altogether.

last night's Def Jam taping reminded me of two things: one, even if a poem isn't the newest strangest most literarily world-changing item one's ever penned, it can still have an integrity of its own and can move people -- and that's worth something. and two, performing well for a great audience is fun. I almost lost my hold on the first poem because I realized part-way through that I was having a good time. I enjoy the poems I read, I enjoyed performing them, and people enjoyed hearing them.

I don't know when I forgot this, how it can feel. it almost makes me want to... don't say it... slam this year. oh, maybe not. but maybe. maybe.

it also helped that my pre-performance backstage conversations included one with Willie Perdomo about the canon and our role and what needs done in the coming years... plus Ishle's gold backless shirt and Geoff's tricep exercises and Nikki Giovanni applauding poets on the simulcast screen...

now, in spite of the post-show adrenaline and the company of poets from all over the country keeping me up until the wee hours, I was only a half hour late getting to work this morning, and we STILL got the $191,000 TA proposal in to DYCD with an hour to spare. yes, my life is made up of many many acronyms. DPJ, DYCD, TA, STICFAWMHOTK (so tired I could fall asleep with my head on the keyboard.)

and I have an Urban Word board meeting tonight. groan. I am going straight home and to bed after that. what I want most in the world right now is to be on my couch watching reruns of Project Runway.

I'm so tired my elbows ache. bluh.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

exercise

start from the absolute interior of something and write your way out layer by layer

Friday, February 18, 2005

{hm indeed}

Mrs. Hoag’s class, just before gym

good news: the caterpillar hates his coat, too.
bad news: the text on the chalkboard is ash & gum.
good news: apple apple apple apple
bad news: define irony for me
good news: diorama of spilling the beans: what is an idiom
bad news: do-si-do your partner. promenade left
good news: looking from above, your left hand forms an L
bad news: boy after boy palm, gym-sweaty
... language, rude and offensive>; High Times <poetry, involves vomit ... goodnews/bad news; Down Under ... Computer Problem Report Form; Two short ones; Top 100 ... humor.catweasel.org/Site1/Indexes/IN199701.php - 55k - Cached - Similar pages
good news: the swingset sings soprano sweet: what is alliteration
bad news: ink on a thumb, a curled bruise, watch me now
good news: Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack
bad news: rumpled paper, eraser tear
good news: thing means nothing (echo: no ideas but in things)
bad news: someone else’s pencil, chewed
good news: June
bad news: everybody’s watching
good news: eventually, June (now)
good news: a grown-up jacket, plaid
good news: kiss me. kiss me now.

{ad ridiculum: moreso ad nauseum}

did they make you write those good news/bad news “poems” when you were in gradeschool/junior high? like,

good news: I made the baseball team
bad news: so did Joey and I hate him
good news: I hit a home run
bad news: I hurt my ankle running

and so on ad ridiculum.

good news: teaching poetry to children. bad news: giving them insipid and ridiculous forms to follow. granted, I was an exceptionally skeptical child by all reports (some things do not change) but at 12 this was already nothing I had any interest in.

the form (can you call it a form? whatever) popped into my head this morning because it’s pretty much how I’ve been rollercoastering all week: good news! great feedback from a great poet on the manuscript. bad news: trying to re-order the manuscript is crazy-making. good news! taping for Def Jam. bad news: stress over dumb stuff like what to wear and do that’s under 2 minutes and air-likely vs. the new poems that have nothing to do with Def Jam interests and would never see air. good news! weird new poems happening. bad news: another lit mag rejection. another. and more than that, the simple madness of trying to remember that I am where I need to be and all is moving as it should, even if it is in three directions at once.

I wonder if those dumb gradeschool forms could ever be resurrected/reinvented. might fit into my notion of the new book. good news! the caterpillar hates his fur coat. bad news: the text on the chalkboard is ash & gum. and so on. hm.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

{what's that Latin word for happy accident?}

so I was trying to fix something formatting-wise on the blog (like why are all of the links down at the bottom now?) and of course messed up something else and all my line breaks disappeared, gone, smooshed together.

and I think maybe I like this poem better that way. thoughts?

write this without using the word EMPTY

A: what would envy do in an empty room? B: describe the shape of something C:
why won’t the door open? A: stands in a corner one shoulder to each wall
D: the memory of a taste or texture in the mouth E: a sound in the distance
and its echo B: triangles of ice like pineapple in red jello F: what’s on the floor?
G: where is the sound coming from? H: envy makes a noise I: something envy
remembers J: why not try the window? K: something to do with the temperature
L: something to do with the noise M: did you assume envy was alone?
C: locked from the outside -- by whom? D: the rasp of rice not steamed long enough
N: (what would want want?) E: rifleshot or firecracker F: spent casing,
a broken lego piece O: use the words carbuncle and flirtation G: six feet
from the window H: arr arr arr arr, low in the throat, phlegmy I: always
the A minus, minus P: what is envy’s prayer here? J: the window painted
shut, black K: the late sun, a magnifying glass L: report and its echo, a shot
M: who else would be there?
who else throw the lock?
N: everything
O: carbuncle to lip gloss, a flirtation
Q: refer to the first line
Q?/P?: forgive us our trespasses

research: envy and suicide/death, tabanca, jealous rage and murder-suicide

I love you too.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

{news}

so I just got a call inviting me to tape for Def Jam next week. excitement and trepidation... what to perform? cut something down to two minutes or limit the field to just what's already under time? how big a risk to take in the selection -- would Laci Peterson's body ever see airtime? part of me is also tempted to do the ultra-short poem about the actress shot by the mugger. and of course the REAL question... what do I wear? :) no stripes, no patterns, no white, no bright red... do I own anything interesting that doesn't fall into those categories?

I taped for the show its second season -- what was that, 2001? 2002? it seems a literal lifetime ago. part of my concern about what to perform comes from the fact I feel haunted by the poem that aired. sick unto death of it, couldn't perform it now to save my soul.

and how dumb am I? dumb enough to think "I should write something new for the show." what? it's next week! and what on earth would make me think that trying to write something excellent yet air-able in the Def Jam way would not spiral me into a massive fit of madness? and then, let's say I did write and memorize and perform something I thought was grand. it would be a one-week old poem! bound to get better after aging a month or so. and then forever and ever should it get aired it would be the Old Version. bad idea.

back to work... Tuesdays are a mass of distractions. fancy that.

Monday, February 14, 2005

{news!}

my best friend, Ms. Andi Molloy (nee Strickland) had her baby Wednesday.

Faoirse Molloy
9 pounds!

the name's pronounced feer-sha, and means freedom in Gaelic.

30 hours of labor. thirty!

now I have to get back to Chicago to see for myself. I'm not sure it'll be real until then.

and I'll have to get the digital camera fixed before then.

babies! good thing I wrote a poem last night.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

{yes, this whole thing is the poem}

write this without using the word EMPTY

A: what would envy do in an empty room?
B: describe the shape of something
C: why won’t the door open?
A: stands in a corner one shoulder to each wall
D: the memory of a taste or texture in the mouth
E: a sound in the distance and its echo
B: triangles of ice like pineapple in red jello
F: what’s on the floor?
G: where is the sound coming from?
H: envy makes a noise
I: something envy remembers
J: why not try the window?
K: something to do with the temperature
L: something to do with the noise
M: did you assume envy was alone?
C: locked from the outside -- by whom?
D: the rasp of rice not steamed long enough
N: (what would want want?)
E: rifleshot or firecracker
F: spent casing, a broken lego piece
O: use the words carbuncle and flirtation
G: six feet from the window
H: arr arr arr arr, low in the throat, phlegmy
I: always the A minus, minus
P: what is envy’s prayer here?
J: the window painted shut, black
K: the late sun, a magnifying glass
L: report and its echo, a shot
M: who else would be there?
who else throw the lock?
N: everything
O: carbuncle to lip gloss, a flirtation
Q: refer to the first line
Q?/P?: forgive us our trespasses


research: envy and suicide/death, tabanca, jealous rage and murder-suicide


Friday, February 11, 2005

TO A FRIEND WHOSE WORK HAS COME TO TRIUMPH
by Anne Sexton

Consider Icarus, pasting those sticky wings on,
testing this strange little tug at his shoulder blade,
and think of that first flawless moment over the lawn
of the labyrinth. Think of the difference it made!
There below are the trees, as awkward as camels;
and here are the shocked starlings pumping past
and think of innocent Icarus who is doing quite well:
larger than a sail, over the fog and the blast
of the plushy ocean, he goes. Admire his wings!
Feel the fire at his neck and see how casually
he glances up and is caught, wondrously tunneling
into that hot eye. Who cares that he fell back to the sea?
See him acclaiming the sun and come plunging down
while his sensible daddy goes straight into town.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

{one of those posts}

the longer I work in an office, the more obsessed I become with food. and I don't even LIKE food really -- I'm a huge proponent of some scientist developing a pill one can take that gives the sensation of fullness, plus the requisite vitamins and nutrient-type things, so that I can choose when I want to eat and when to pill. it’s not really food that I’m not crazy about, it’s more the eating. I don’t really like it. anyway, it does become something of a joy in the office, because it requires that I look away from the computer screen. I think I may need glasses thanks to all this typing. I started talking (writing?) (whatever) about this because I just had the nastiest chicken and broccoli EVER and it was really disappointing. I generally stick with chicken and broccoli for random Chinese take-out restaurants because it’s pretty hard to mess up – chicken, broccoli, mysterious brown sauce, done. but this was bad. which is no good. so I go to the copier and what do I find? a bowl of hershey’s kisses. of which I consume many. ack!

but have you tried these caramel-insided hershey’s kisses? marvelous! I’m not a big chocolate person because it makes me a little sugar-spikey-crazy and then crashing and cranky, but caramel is manna. and these are little pockets of caramel inside a little kiss. cute AND tasty. particularly after bad chicken and broccoli. this is why people who work in offices get fat. and why I need a gym membership. soon. but they’re expensive! I’d forgotten, after my year of hotel gyms.

blah. blah and blah. I need to go back to writing this grant. or something sensible like that.

exercise for today: charisma does what in the back of a pickup truck?



Tuesday, February 08, 2005

{reasons to love this life}

the man on the corner trying to hand a New York Dolls adult entertainment flyer to the orthodox Jew, hat, beard, and all.



Monday, February 07, 2005

{uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh}

sometimes I grow very very weary of being diplomatic. these are times it is best for me not to respond in writing.

seven deep breaths.



Sunday, February 06, 2005

{guess who I've been reading}

Saturday

when we stumble home after dinner
at the Lazy Catfish, Southern Comfort
both warming and tumbling our stomachs, lime
edging our teeth like a parade, and we’re staggering
not out of drunkenness but between laughter
and ice, old snow sludging in the gutters,
and you find your key first with your fingerless
gloves, and the mailbox is empty
which means no new bills, at which we are both
silently pleased, after the four flights of stairs
past the bean smell and television mutter,
past the bicycle and the newborn’s faint wail,
and you didn’t lock the door because we can’t
yet afford anything worth taking four
flights of stairs to steal, and you say
you need to hear this song and put on
Mos Def singing you must know that I love you
as if you’d spent all day planning this, to stand here
in the middle room on the flowered linoleum
we keep planning to replace and just
sway, like they do in the movies
when someone says hold me
but I didn’t have to, and you
didn’t have to and we hold there,
fermata, as if we’d never
been lost, as if forgiveness
were a word we could learn.

{please come to my show tomorrow at bar 13 if you're in nyc}



{ripped from the headlines}

actress killed after asking mugger, “what are you going to do, shoot us?”
for Roger

the seven deadly sins, ca. 2005:
ignorance of privilege.
ignorance of privilege.
ignorance of privilege.
ignorance of privilege.
ignorance of privilege.
ignorance of privilege.
opening your fool mouth.



Thursday, February 03, 2005

{brave new 2005}

I haven't analyzed a poem in months. ack! soon, soon. I'm scheduled to spend some serious time on a train this weekend, so if I can wrest Roger's laptop from him, getting one done is a goal. along with all the other stuff I'm supposed to do. a day without staring at a computer screen? pshaw. who needs it.

meantime, here's a plug for Mondays for months to come:

louderMONDAYS / 13 Bar Lounge / 35 E. 13th St, Union Square / 7 p.m. / $5 ($4 with student ID) / 2-for-1 drinks all night / best in NYC poetry… open mic, slam, featured poets

February 7: the instigator of the louderEDGE format gets a taste of it herself… MARTY MCCONNELL features on this night celebrating risk-taking, exploration, and edginess. Member of four NYC national slam teams, Marty stretches words over bone and boundary hoping to break it all down and build it all back up new, accompanied by the amazing Scott Williams on flute and saxophone. Bring your own edgy work to share on the OPEN MIC!

FEBRUARY 14: a Valentine’s Day show with no cheesy theme – just a great feature out of Milwaukee, the dashing DASHA KELLY, plus the OPEN MIC and OPEN SLAM! Dasha’s been featured on HBO’s Def Poetry Jam, runs Milwaukee’s hottest poetry spot, and was a multi-year member of Milwaukee’s national poetry slam team. Ditch the candy hearts and chocolate and spend the night with US!

FEBRUARY 21: It’s an UPPERCASE sandwiched by two magnificent mini-features: the legendary BUCKY SINISTER out of San Francisco and upcoming rockstar poet KATHERINE ZWICK in from Chicago! plus our very own OPEN MIC goodness. Our UPPERCASErs are a mystery, but Bucky is not: author of “King of the Roadkills” and the forthcoming “Whiskey and Robots,” the former fundamentalist turned bad boy turned poet extraordinaire, he’s a fabulous counterpoint to our other second feature: Katherine Zwick, the Chicago poetry scene’s up-and-coming woman with a raging pen. Grab your notebook and join us.

FEBRUARY 28: Join us for the OPEN SLAM and OPEN MIC and a feature set by individual national slam champion the mighty MIKE MCGEE who marries laughter with pathos in a stew whose taste you’ll want to carry home. Mike is a multi-multi-champion with a heart as loud as his pen – and that’s saying something. And remember: after this, there are only TWO MORE open slams to qualify for the semi-finals in April. What are you waiting for?

MARCH 7: Were you there for the huge Q2 2005 launch party in January? If you were, you know where you need to be this Monday. And if not – you need to be at Bar 13, work by a queer writer in hand, ready to rock that poem along with your own, or simply sit back and take it all in. This edition of Q2 is a book launch for the amazing new anthology BULLETS & BUTTERFLIES: a queer slam anthology, and will feature readings by its contributors including ALIX OLSON, CHERYL BOYCE TAYLOR, EMANUEL XAVIER, REGIE CABICO, and more!

MARCH 14: Mixing it up for our second-to-last qualifying slam of the season, we present the EDGE SLAM where all poets are required to perform only poems that they have never slammed at Bar 13. And to make the evening complete, we have a wonderful feature in BJ WARD, author of “17 Love Poems with No Despair” and “Landing in New Jersey with Soft Hands,” he is published all over the place, teaches, reads, and generally impresses the hell out of folks like us who love great poetry. And rounding out the night as always, we have the OPEN MIC.

MARCH 21: We’re groovin’ on up… to a double-whammy of a feature with SCOTT WOODS and ROSS GAY featuring for our GrooveNation format – bring a poem by a writer out of the African diaspora to share along with your own on the OPEN MIC – then sit back and thrill to the splendid differences between our features. SCOTT WOODS out of Columbus Ohio has been featured on NPR and at venues around the country, runs the Columbus slam, and charms listeners on sight. ROSS GAY is a Cave Canem fellow, wildly and widely published, and will stun you into consciousness with the force of his fierce and honest craft.

That’s enough for now… a quick overview of the rest of the spring:

March 28: featured poet Mike Henry out of Austin, last qualifying slam of the season
April 4: louderMONDAYS anniversary show
April 11, 18, 25: semi-final SLAMS + mini-features
May 2: louderEDGE
May 9: SLAM THIS finals!


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

{probably too Dickensonian, but that's the way it happened}


letter to Edna

if sex be the little death let’s run
mouths and / mouths open
xxxxxxxxxxxxtoward it –
what else – not much –
slow movement on the stairs toward
what – not
mirrors but – gates




Tuesday, February 01, 2005

{be they paper or Palm or ink on the back of your hand...}

Please mark your calendar(s) in particular for next Monday, February 7. I’m featuring at Bar 13, my home space, with flute and saxophone accompaniment by the amazing Scott Williams, and I would LOVE for you to be there! And everyone you know! And some folks you meet on the train or in line for coffee at the bodega across the street!

Seriously though, I’m excited about it. Scott’s great, it’s all new poems – and you can’t beat the 2-for-1 drinks.

Here are the details, along with another show I’m doing at a great new spot called the Spoken-Words Café in Park Slope, on February 16. I promise a whole different experience there – so mark them both down. Really, what else are you doing on a February Wednesday? :)

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 7
louderMONDAYS at 13 Bar/Lounge
35 E. 13th St., Union Square
(corner of 13th and University)
7 p.m. sign-up, 7:30 start
$5 ($4 with student ID)
2-for-1 drinks all night
open mic + featured poet

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 16
Featuring Marty McConnell, Roger Bonair-Agard, and Bucky Sinister
Spoken-Words Cafe
226 4th Avenue
7:30 p.m. (sign-up for open mic at 7 p.m.)
$5
Hosted by Susan Chenelle

Hope to see you soon!