{grapefruit and much ado about the new book}

my new obsession is grapefruit. how could I have neglected this phenomenal piece of citrus for so long?

we have a new director for Declare Yourself, and he's great so far -- though all we've done for the past week is read and read and read all the material we've developed so far, out loud for him to hear. it was oddly exhausting. aside from that, we're creating new pieces under tight specifications, topic-wise, to fill specific needs.

I'm really struggling with this "second book" idea -- it was supposed to comprise mostly poems that were not personal, but overtly external -- and it's not happening. and what I can't figure out is if that is because the poems that arrive with legitimate urgency are personal, or if I'm just being lazy about creating anything that doesn't spring from immediate and personal emotion.

I spent so long training my brain to reject the easy line, the obvious twist, the surface dealings -- but for this project, that's what is needed most times. and it's not bad writing I've done, but I'm realizing the futility of pushing to the strange and scary place in work intended for this show.

and consequently, when I go to write poems that are not for the show, it's like going to the gym after eating chocolate on the couch for six months. so the flow is so much slower, and the process far more taxing than it needs to be -- I used to be so good at telling the truth, the gritty uncomfortable truth. now, it's slippery. not as easy to grab and get down on the page.

the crazy images aren't coming -- that basic ability to look at a radiator and think shoebox for heat, my heart -- what underlies all brilliant poetry, the ability to connect disparate ideas and objects, to create something New --

I was looking at some old poems, stuff that's maybe three years old, from grad school. and I know that what I'm writing now is superior in craft and precision to what I was writing then -- but I'm not sure how. and I could be wrong.

but probably not. these poems are better. they may not be great, but they are better. and I suppose that's a comfort.

now I'm hungry, and the grapefruit is calling. the primary drawback to grapefruit is its preparation requirements, the necessity of utensils, and the fact that you can't eat it while accomplishing other tasks like typing.

more on my obsession with multi-tasking and the gender basis of that later.