back in Los Angeles. I've been incredibly productive since waking up this morning, all without leaving the hotel room. technology is scary. emails, conference calls, internet purchasing... unfortunately, this hotel doesn't have room service and therefore I'm STARVING.

...but in a grand mood because yesterday was SO miserable. I had what I believe was my first migraine ever. it was either that or a small aneurism. around 11 p.m. Wednesday I realized my head hurt, then it got worse, and by the time I got up after a night of dreams about vices grinding my temples and laser beams shooting from my eyes, I was in so much pain that I could literally not move my head without crying. this band of pain stretched from one temple to the other so viscerally I couldn't believe it wasn't visible in the mirror.

Roger convinced me over the phone that it wasn't an aneurism, and I managed to shower, dress, and pack while holding my head as still as possible (yeah, it's almost funny now) and make it down to the lobby and onto the bus so I could down a granola bar and some Advil. I made a deal with myself that if the pain didn't subside in an hour, I'd go to the emergency room and see if they could remove my brain or something. Joshua made me some licorice tea to quell the nausea (I've never before been in so much pain that it made me throw up) and I recovered sufficiently to perform and then go sleep on the bus until we left for the airport.

yeah, I'm what they call a "trooper." but I figured why did I get up, shower, and go through all this if I'm not going to do our last college show? and what compares to a double kidney infection and 103-degree fever during the 2000 nationals?

but I'm much better today, and experiencing the joy of simply not hurting. I don't know how people live with chronic pain. I'm so unbearable as it is. :)

so today's our day off, which means I need to do all my running around and calling and stuff because until I leave on Thursday (yay! back to NYC for NINE WHOLE DAYS!) we have rehearsal every day. which means I need to leave this room soon and venture out into the wilds of Los Angeles in seek of nourishment and productivity.

I've been reading Maxine Hong Kingston's "To Be The Poet" which I thought would be some sort of exploration of the theoretical intersection of prose/fiction and poetry, or some such thing -- but it's really just a rambling journal of her wanting to be a poet. interesting ideas in places, but for the most part it's primarily worthwhile to me as insight into the way one writer's mind works. in an effort to incite work based on other people's voices and lives, I've been reading more journals and journal excerpts wherever I can get them. I think it's important to be able to capture other people's rhythms if you're going to write non-autobiographical poetry. even if the rhythms aren't necessarily those of the exact person in whose voice one is writing, access to a variety of authentic cadences can only be helpful, if not absolutely necessary.

enough for now.