{resurrection: attitude & eyelids}

after performing so much last year and under such bizarre and often un-poetic circumstances, I was about ready to file myself under the page and skip performance (almost) altogether.

last night's Def Jam taping reminded me of two things: one, even if a poem isn't the newest strangest most literarily world-changing item one's ever penned, it can still have an integrity of its own and can move people -- and that's worth something. and two, performing well for a great audience is fun. I almost lost my hold on the first poem because I realized part-way through that I was having a good time. I enjoy the poems I read, I enjoyed performing them, and people enjoyed hearing them.

I don't know when I forgot this, how it can feel. it almost makes me want to... don't say it... slam this year. oh, maybe not. but maybe. maybe.

it also helped that my pre-performance backstage conversations included one with Willie Perdomo about the canon and our role and what needs done in the coming years... plus Ishle's gold backless shirt and Geoff's tricep exercises and Nikki Giovanni applauding poets on the simulcast screen...

now, in spite of the post-show adrenaline and the company of poets from all over the country keeping me up until the wee hours, I was only a half hour late getting to work this morning, and we STILL got the $191,000 TA proposal in to DYCD with an hour to spare. yes, my life is made up of many many acronyms. DPJ, DYCD, TA, STICFAWMHOTK (so tired I could fall asleep with my head on the keyboard.)

and I have an Urban Word board meeting tonight. groan. I am going straight home and to bed after that. what I want most in the world right now is to be on my couch watching reruns of Project Runway.

I'm so tired my elbows ache. bluh.